Friday, March 05, 2010

Feeling Sorry For Yourself?


I have to admit that thus far this year, I've not felt motivated, felt pretty listless, pessimistic, dare I say it a little depressed. Put it down to the horrid dark days of January, stress from work but as I think I acknowledged previously, most likely stress over Boom.

Wallowing in my own self-pity, I've wondered why events beyond my control have meant that our relationship couldn't go back to how it was. I do not for one bit begrudge him wanting to spend all his time with his family because of his mum's illness but I can't help asking 'Why me? Why, when I've met someone that I really care about?" Fate brought us together but Destiny thinks otherwise?

The other day, Boom's mum had some scans and they've found a brain tumour. I feel ashamed that I've been feeling sorry for myself when he and his family have been going through all this.

Anyway, I did a first over the weekend, needed to get out of the house so I went to the cinema by myself and watched Avatar (a film Boom wanted to go to see but he hasn't been able to find the time). A beautifully made movie, I cried unashamedly at parts - I think I needed a good cry.

When I left the cinema, I saw his car outside his flat, which he'd been renting out to a colleague whilst he's been staying at his parents'. We hadn't arranged to meet up and although I really wanted to see him, I appreciated that he was probably there to sort some things out and would want some time to himself, so I just went home. Maybe I should have gone up to see him but I think I made the right decision at the time.

It's his birthday soon - I hope to spend a little time with him then.

2 comments:

  1. That's horrible, isn't it, when you really need someone but you know what they need is to be by themselves.

    Hope the situation improves soon.

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  2. Yes, I hope it improves soon too.

    Big hugs xx

    ReplyDelete