Friday, March 05, 2010

Feeling Sorry For Yourself?

I have to admit that thus far this year, I've not felt motivated, felt pretty listless, pessimistic, dare I say it a little depressed. Put it down to the horrid dark days of January, stress from work but as I think I acknowledged previously, most likely stress over Boom.

Wallowing in my own self-pity, I've wondered why events beyond my control have meant that our relationship couldn't go back to how it was. I do not for one bit begrudge him wanting to spend all his time with his family because of his mum's illness but I can't help asking 'Why me? Why, when I've met someone that I really care about?" Fate brought us together but Destiny thinks otherwise?

The other day, Boom's mum had some scans and they've found a brain tumour. I feel ashamed that I've been feeling sorry for myself when he and his family have been going through all this.

Anyway, I did a first over the weekend, needed to get out of the house so I went to the cinema by myself and watched Avatar (a film Boom wanted to go to see but he hasn't been able to find the time). A beautifully made movie, I cried unashamedly at parts - I think I needed a good cry.

When I left the cinema, I saw his car outside his flat, which he'd been renting out to a colleague whilst he's been staying at his parents'. We hadn't arranged to meet up and although I really wanted to see him, I appreciated that he was probably there to sort some things out and would want some time to himself, so I just went home. Maybe I should have gone up to see him but I think I made the right decision at the time.

It's his birthday soon - I hope to spend a little time with him then.


  1. That's horrible, isn't it, when you really need someone but you know what they need is to be by themselves.

    Hope the situation improves soon.

  2. Yes, I hope it improves soon too.

    Big hugs xx