Friday, February 05, 2010
I Can't Get No Sleep
I've been suffering badly from insomnia for the last couple of weeks. I'm a night owl at the best of times; during the week, will generally go to bed around 12.30-1am.
But lately, I've been really struggling to fall asleep, still awake around 2am and on a couple of occasions, woke up for no apparent reason around 4am and was only able to nod off after reading for a while.
I know it's stress - stress about work. Stress about Boom. Mostly the latter, I would say.
I've mentioned previously that Boom's mum has been seriously ill - in fact, for most of our relationship thus far, she's been in and out of hospital, various emergencies and operations. I've never met her. When her health was 'ok', we hadn't been seeing each other for long so it's was too early to 'meet the parents'. Since she's been so ill, it's not been right for me to turn up and make introductions when she's got tubes coming out of her and needs oxygen to breathe.
I haven't seen Boom this past month at all - we've been communicating by leaving each other voicemails mostly as we kept missing each other. He's now only working part time and has temporarily rented out his apartment, so he's living at his parents'. As expected when we've spoken to each other, he's not wanted to really talk much about his mum's health, her heart and lung problems are pretty much terminal and as he puts it, it's just 'delaying the inevitable'. I never know what to say, feel awful having to ask after her knowing that he doesn't want to talk but feel as if I have to ask otherwise it's as if I don't care how she is.
Anyway, he said she was due to have a critical operation. I didn't try to call him, just sent him a couple of texts, to pass on my best wishes. Didn't hear from him all week, so I just left a quick message asking how things were - phone was switched off as it went straight to voicemail. Usually, he would call or text soon after receiving my message but nothing this time. I waited another few days before sending another text, also trying his other mobile which he uses when he's abroad. Nothing.
By now, I was really worried - had the operation gone wrong? How was she recovering? Was he ok? He was in my thoughts constantly, I had to know how he was. It got to the point where I was thinking of going to the hospital where his mum was and just scouting around the carparks to see if I could spot his car, or try to track down his parents via the electoral roll (I don’t know where they live). Desperate measures and verging on being a stalker. Not like me, losing it.
I sent him a little email, just so I'd covered that mode of communication and last night, I got a reply - I nearly wept with relief. He said things were really tough and that he had to dedicate all his time with his parents but that he would call me, though not at the moment.
Last night, for the first time in ages, I slept well.
My next post should be a bit more lighthearted.