Monday, February 28, 2005

Bad Sport


sad
Originally uploaded by weenie.

Not a good weekend for sport.

Liverpool lost 3-2 to Chelsea after extra-time, despite being 15 minutes away from lifting the Carling Cup trophy...

England lost yet another match in the Six Nations Tournament, losing to Ireland, who are surely the favourites to win.

** Sigh ** :(

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Who's the Best?

The SAS, the Royal Marines and the Police decide to attend a survival weekend in order to determine who is the best.

After some basic exercises, the instructor tells them that their next objective is to go into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it, ready to skin and make rabbit stew for their supper.

Night falls.

First up - the SAS. They kit up in infra-red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for five minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled 'phut-phut' of their trademark 'double-tap'. They emerge with a large rabbit, shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" Remarks the instructor.


Next up - the Marines. They finish their lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the night rings out with the sound of machine-gun fire, hand-grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

"A little messy," says the instructor, "But you've achieved the objective. Well done!"

Last up - the Police. They walk into the woods slowly, hands clasped behind their backs, whistling 'Dixon of Dock Green'.

For the next few hours, the silence is broken only by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie, "Sierra Oscar Lima One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems like an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

"What do you think you are doing?" Asks the incredulous instructor. "Take this squirrel back into the woods and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!"

So back go the coppers. Minutes pass. Minutes turn into hours. Night drags on and eventually turns into day. The next morning, the instructor and the other teams are awakened by the return of the Police, still holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.

"Are you taking the piss!!??" Screams the fuming instructor.

The Police chief gives a menacing glance at the squirrel, who squeaks:

"OK OK, I'm a f*cking rabbit!"

Well, I had a chortle at this anyway! :)

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Desperate Double Dose

Had a double dose of Desperate Housewives last night - watched last week's episode (taped on video) and then followed it up with the next episode shown on Channel 4. Fantastic - it's been a while since I laughed out loud like that!

And to cap off a great evening, both Chelsea and Man United suffered set-backs in their Champions League matches...Chelski lost 2-1 to Barcelona and United lost 1-0 to AC Milan.

Bwahahahaha! :)

I know we should support all English teams in European competitions but that doesn't happen in reality.

Bwahahahaha! :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

German team beaten by Scousers!


riise Originally uploaded by weenie.

Liverpool marched to a 3-1 first leg win against Bayer Leverkusen, despite the inspirational Steven Gerrard and sublime Fernando Morientes not playing and numerous injuries.

Many fans (including myself) had feared the worst, but we were being a tad pessimistic as ever.

Goals from Luis Garcia and John Arne Riise had the Reds leading 2-0 at half-time. Pretty astonishing, given their recent form. Close to full-time, Dietmar Hamann made it 3-0 and

Liverpool were coasting....Dudek had one of his lapses and allowed the German side to put one in the back of the net, making it 3-1. Still, it was a fantastic win - the Reds need to build on this.

Conversely, the sports websites and no doubt the newspapers are only talking about another matchthat ended up with the score 3-1. Arsenal lost abysmally to Bayern Munich. All we need now is for Chelsea and Man United to stumble a little ...no, I'm not bitter, honest! :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Born in 60's, 70's or early 80's?

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived...

Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint, which was promptly chewed and licked.

We had no child-proof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags - riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem. (Dock leaves..)

We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark.

No one was able to reach us and no one minded.

We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all.

No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.

We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt!

We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no lawsuits.

We had full on fistfights but no prosecution followed from other parents.


We played knock-on-the-door-and-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us.

We walked to friends' homes.

We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of...They actually sided with the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them. Congratulations!

Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

For those of you who aren't old enough thought you might like to read about us.

This my friends, is surprisingly frightening, and it might put a smile on your face:

The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986. They are called youth.

They have never heard of "We are the World", "We are the children", and the Uptown Girl they know is by West life not Billy Joel.

They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda Carlisle.

For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam.

AIDS has existed since they were born.

CD's have existed since they were born.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance.

They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are Films from recent years.

They can never imagine life before computers.

They'll never have pretended to be the A Team, Red-Hand Gang or the Famous Five.

They'll never have applied to be on "Jim'll Fix It" or "Why Don't You".

They can't believe a black and white television ever existed.

And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.

Youth today, eh? :)

Sigh...

Not been blogging lately - the boyfriend is not happy with his new job and he's only been there a week...

I understand totally why he's not happy but what to say to him? :(

So, he's been moping around the house, which tends to get me down too, as I hate seeing him unhappy.

Have bought a little present for him anyway: The Wicked History of the World book (from the Horrible Histories series). He'd spotted it in the shops and said he'd like it, so I picked up a copy for him. Rated 5 stars on Amazon...I'll certainly have a peek at it myself, looks suitably grim, gory and funny!

Hopefully, it will bring a little cheer to his evening! :S

Friday, February 18, 2005

Finally Announced

After 3 weeks of nothing being said, it's finally been announced to the rest of the dept that I have a new role and am leaving. What a bloomin' relief! People came up to congratulate me, which was nice (fat-boy-teachers-pet emailed me...obviously couldn't say it to my face...).

In the same breath, the announcement also confirmed that my replacement would start next Monday, which ruffled a few feathers as this was "unexpectedly" quick.

I have so much work that's pending, I don't know what to start on first. Will need to clear my desk, as it's full of 9 year's worth of collected rubbish....

Weekend finally but first, we're going to the pub for lunch! Woohoo! Mine's a pint! :)

The boyfriend's first week on his new job - poor thing has been knackered, not used to these early mornings!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Jacko

Michael Jackson catches the flu and goes to hospital, on a drip.

Normal people catch the flu and go home to bed.

As MJ is not normal, so IMO it's unlikely he will get a fair trial, regardless of whether he is guilty or not guilty of what he has been accused of.

His whole life is unreal, so far removed from the rest of the world and can be summed up here (be warned, it goes on a bit!)

Most people forget that he wrote and made great music - they only know him for the sad ridiculous madman that he is now.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Funeral

Today, I attended the funeral of a colleague.
He was a very popular man and passed away a week ago, after he lost his battle against cancer.
He will always be remembered by us for his sense of humour, his chirpiness and being larger than life.

He was a true expert in his field of business.

His family have lost a loving husband, father and grandfather.

RIP Gerry

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Thankful Poem (it's good, honest!)

I am thankful...

For the wife
Who says it's hotdogs tonight
Because she is home with me
And not out with someone else.

For the husband
Who is on the sofa
Being a couch potato
Because he is home with me
And not out at the bars.

For the teenager
Who is complaining about doing dishes
Because that means she is at home
And not on the streets.

For the taxes
That I pay
Because it means that
I am employed.

For the mess
To clean after a party
Because it means that I have
Been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes
That fit a little too snug
Because it means
I have enough to eat.

For my shadow
That watches me work
Because it means
I am out in the sunshine.

For a lawn
That needs mowing,
Windows that need cleaning
And gutters that need fixing
because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining
I hear about the Government
Because it means that
We have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot
I find at the far end of the parking lot
Because it means
I am capable of walking
And that I have been
Blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill
Because it means
I am warm.

For the lady
Behind me in church
That sings off key
Because it means
That I can hear.

For the pile
Of laundry and ironing
Because it means
I have clothes to wear

For weariness
And aching muscles
At the end of the day
Because it means
I have been
Capable of working hard

For the alarm
That goes off
In the early morning hours
Because it means
That I am alive.

And finally...
For too much email
Because it means
I have friends who are thinking of me!

:)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Year of the Rooster


Year of the Rooster
Originally uploaded by weenie.

For those who are celebrating - "Kung Hei Fat Choy", ie Happy New Year! I'm out in Chinatown (Manchester) with my sis, Gran and the boyfriend tonight. Looking forward to some good food!

And hey, I can say "New Year, New Job" as I've signed my new contract, although not due to start til March. Woohoo!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

About Me...


1. What time did you get up this morning? 7.05am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? House of Flying Daggers
4. What is your favourite TV show? currently Desperate Housewives
5. What did you have for breakfast? a Banana
6. What is your favourite cuisine? Chinese
7. What foods do you dislike? Anything that's too sweet
8. What is your favourite crisp? Prawn cocktail
9. What is your favourite CD at the moment? American Idiot - Green Day
10. What kind of car do you drive? Renault Clio
11. Favourite sandwich? Prawn Mayo
12. What characteristic do you despise? Arrogance, sycophancy
13. Favourite items of clothing? Jeans
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Tokyo
15. What colour is your bathroom? Blue and grey
16. Favourite brand of clothing? Top Shop
17. Where would you retire to? Near the sea
18. Favourite time of the day? Home time
19. What was your most memorable birthday? 21st
20. Where were you born? England
21. Favourite sport to watch? Football (or Olympics every 4 years...)
22. What fabric detergent do you use? Comfort Pure
23. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
24. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl
25. What is your shoe size? 4 or 4.5
26. Do you have any pets? Beatrix the goldfish (named after she who Killed Bill..)
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? No...get back to work!
28. What did you want to be when you were little? Detective

Monday, February 07, 2005

Atmosphere

There is an atmosphere in the office that you could cut with a knife, probably partly because some people know I'm about to leave my current position (still no official offer from HR yet so I can't even discuss it! :( ) but also because one of the ladies who's on a temporary contract has applied for a permanent position within the department and has just found out that it's going to go to an external applicant...

Fat-boy-teacher's-pet knows I'm going - I didn't tell him, but he's obviously found out from his little mistress, who still hasn't congratulated me on my new role. At the end of the day, she will have to do a lot more work as I covered for her when she was off sick, on holiday or when her kids were sick and she had to stay in to look after them. During those times, it was expected of me to just absorb the extra work, and looking back,I was never thanked but hey, I just got on with it, cos I could.

Anyway, will be nice to know when I actually leave to start my new job - already getting copied in on emails about it, yet I can't do anything yet!

Friday, February 04, 2005

He Did It....WOO HOO! :) :)

The boyfriend had a second interview today....AND HE GOT OFFERED THE JOB! What great news!

After being made redundant from his old job at the end of October, it was time things went his way for once. We've both struggled financially over Christmas, with last month being an ultra low - yes, I really was surviving on soup and sandwiches... my mum would have been horrified if she'd known but hey, we survived!

So, he should be starting his new job next week for his new employers, a well-known Japanese electronics firm; he gets a company car, so he'll have to sell his own car. Gosh, I gotta get used to ironing his shirts again... :-/

We celebrated with pizzas and beer!

The Chinese New Year of the Rooster is nearly upon us and has brought some good luck already! :)

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Pokémon Madness!

I must have too much spare time on my hands, yet it always feels like there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything.

Just treated myself to a little game - my housework is gonna suffer even more!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Halfway Through The Week...

The boyfriend had another interview today - he reckoned this one went really well and the package was good too. He has a second interview on Friday, so fingers crossed...

On the nerdy PBM gaming front (which I don't tend to post much about), I've been involved in various "war councils" recently (online meetings with other players). I have been happily playing this game in a very unwarlike way (as a trader) for two years and now, it seems that I will be involved in ships and starbases being blown up (hopefully not mine), gearing my factories for the war machine and shipping troops and weapons, instead of trade goods and ore.

How has this come about?

It seems that war is the only option to keep the game going. One group of players have gotten far too powerful and if they are not stopped, they will end up destroying the game.

So, whilst I will not be running my own fleet or squadron of warships, my own fleet of cargoships will be aiding the coming war effort.

Hey, it will be fun (I think!) - war gaming always is, but war in real life is obviously a totally different matter... :(

Grab A Book...

Borrowed this from Just Heather:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your own bulletin...along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Use what's actually next to you.

Mine is "Rose is wearing a peach pantsuit."

Book: 'Blowfly' - Patricia Cornwell

Errr...hardly an earth-shattering sentence to make you want to go out and buy the book though...LOL! Doesn't exactly inspire me to read it either! (the book belongs to a colleague)

How To Impress A Woman

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her
Respect her
Honour her
Cuddle her
Kiss her
Caress her
Love her
Stroke her
Tease her
Comfort her
Protect her
Hug her
Hold her
Spend money on her
Wine and dine her
Buy things for her
Listen to her
Care for her
Stand by her
Support her
Hold her
Go to the ends of the Earth for her

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked
Bring food